I enjoy the challenges of life. They make me stronger and shape me into a better person than I allotted for. I am not the same woman I was 2 years ago. I let down my guard and have become more willing to be vulnerable and transparent. I have become more confident in my relationship with God and the education I have received. My faith has strengthened in many ways and my perspective of humanity has taken a roller coaster ride of transitions. Always I rely on hope. Hope that the situation will get better. Hope that God will provide in ways I never anticipated. Hope that humanity will realize its inconsistencies and pursue God. Hope that will overcome any and every temptation of doubt.
Yet, I struggle. My strength isn't strong enough to face the challenges that are thrown into my path. I'm weak. I'm not as educated in certain areas of political issues and government policies that I should be. I see injustice and am so overwhelmed that I don't know how to handle it. I feel comfort in hiding under the covers, resting and wallowing in the darkness, relying on pity to get me through another lonely day. You know? I really hate the brokenness of my own humanity. I get overwhelmed by what needs to be changed that I'm paralyzed in action and speech.
How do I challenge that which is unjust? How do I change the system? How do I speak out against the bewildering brokenness of humanity and pursue God's will in all aspects of life? How, God, HOW?
Yesterday at church was powerful. The pastor spoke about grace and peace. The verse which stood out to me and nearly slapped me in the face was this:
"So be truly glad, there is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while." 1 Peter 1:6
Be truly glad.....how? Since I woke up this morning, there have been two voices pushing for domination in my spirit. Should I wallow in self pity? Or should I come to an acceptance but pursue hope above all else? The answer in obvious. The journey is difficult. There are moments where I want to cry and hate the US Government for its poor decisions. The next minute I'm researching ways I can assess issues and make a change. The next I'm crying out to God for Ed's spirit to overcome such rejection. The next minute I'm praising God because he gives me confidence: I KNOW He WILL provide, intervene, rectify this injustice. God will make this right. God will do something miraculous. He may not do what we expect or demand, but God will reveal himself in greater ways. So, should I anticipate God to do something or should I just continue to beg God? Should I live in great expectations that God will do above and beyond what I dreamed possible or should I continue to ask God to do something? Live in the recognized hope or just the possibilities? Either way, there aren't bad decisions. They are both good. But what's riskier? recognized hope or just possibilities? I serve a God who continues to act in our lives. I serve a God who appears risky to humanity. I love challenges. I choose to risk it. I choose that God will do something miraculous, in my spirit, in Ed's spirit, in government policies. There is no challenge that can limit God's amazing character and ability to interact with his people.
I choose to risk it. I will not roll over and let pity win. I choose recognized hope.
Yet, I struggle. My strength isn't strong enough to face the challenges that are thrown into my path. I'm weak. I'm not as educated in certain areas of political issues and government policies that I should be. I see injustice and am so overwhelmed that I don't know how to handle it. I feel comfort in hiding under the covers, resting and wallowing in the darkness, relying on pity to get me through another lonely day. You know? I really hate the brokenness of my own humanity. I get overwhelmed by what needs to be changed that I'm paralyzed in action and speech.
How do I challenge that which is unjust? How do I change the system? How do I speak out against the bewildering brokenness of humanity and pursue God's will in all aspects of life? How, God, HOW?
Yesterday at church was powerful. The pastor spoke about grace and peace. The verse which stood out to me and nearly slapped me in the face was this:
"So be truly glad, there is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while." 1 Peter 1:6
Be truly glad.....how? Since I woke up this morning, there have been two voices pushing for domination in my spirit. Should I wallow in self pity? Or should I come to an acceptance but pursue hope above all else? The answer in obvious. The journey is difficult. There are moments where I want to cry and hate the US Government for its poor decisions. The next minute I'm researching ways I can assess issues and make a change. The next I'm crying out to God for Ed's spirit to overcome such rejection. The next minute I'm praising God because he gives me confidence: I KNOW He WILL provide, intervene, rectify this injustice. God will make this right. God will do something miraculous. He may not do what we expect or demand, but God will reveal himself in greater ways. So, should I anticipate God to do something or should I just continue to beg God? Should I live in great expectations that God will do above and beyond what I dreamed possible or should I continue to ask God to do something? Live in the recognized hope or just the possibilities? Either way, there aren't bad decisions. They are both good. But what's riskier? recognized hope or just possibilities? I serve a God who continues to act in our lives. I serve a God who appears risky to humanity. I love challenges. I choose to risk it. I choose that God will do something miraculous, in my spirit, in Ed's spirit, in government policies. There is no challenge that can limit God's amazing character and ability to interact with his people.
I choose to risk it. I will not roll over and let pity win. I choose recognized hope.
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