.....I don't have it. I dream with the best intentions, yet follow-through is fleeting. I started this blog in February, and here it is August, and I only have two posts to show for it. Hopefully I begin to understand what discipline truly means before I run out of intentions.
Much has happened since the beginning of the blog. No long am I single. Perhaps a few weeks after my initial blog, a rekindled romance blossomed. I never anticipated flirtatious remarks much less a revitalized relationship. Surprisingly, I was content in being single, acknowledging who I am in no particular relation to others. That's a crucial element of maturity, being able to recognize yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, knowledge, wisdom, etc. Self-revelation is a beautiful thing, especially when you learn to love yourself. My first year of Seminary taught me the difference in acquiring wisdom for the sake of relationships rather than pursuing knowledge for the sake of pride. As one reads through the Proverbs (which is another intention I've been seeking to fulfill for some time), we recognize the intentionality one possesses when seeking wisdom and how their overall character can improve by seeking it out. I am searching. I long for wisdom. I long to better myself. I shall never stop growing. I hope I never lose sight of this...
On a completely different planet, I'm in a relationship. A serious one at that. I don't think I've truly allowed myself to experience love in such a way as to fully pursue it. Yes I pursue God's love, but love from a man feels different. It's tangible. It has face value. It casts flirtatious glances across rooms and invites a beloved into a warm embrace. For two weeks in May, I was able to touch, see, smell, taste, and hear love. Though those words may not have passed from my lips initially; soon they were banging against teeth I had slammed shut. My lips uttered the words I wouldn't allow to escape until the right moment where I knew it was God giving us this opportunity. Each moment spent with him, I was more and more impressed at how incredible God is. Neither of us pursued this with a passion or tried to create something out of nothing. It just fell into our laps. Smirking at silly comments left on each others' facebook photos and stopping at nothing to run to Target to purchase a webcam, I soon found myself in the position of purchasing plane tickets for a faraway country. Was I ready for a long-distance romance? Was this actually happening to me? Who am I that this man of God would be drawn to me? Girls, isn't it strange how when something is going well, we have the tendency to sabotage ourselves by asking the 'why me' questions? It's obnoxious really. Somehow I overcame this obstacle with little effort and faced risky challenges. Risks like flying and airport hopping for 22 hours with a best friend to visit a 'friend', his family, and explore a new country. I don't know what I was thinking when I told myself that I was just visiting a friend. Obviously much more was happening than I allotted for. Romance burst through my seams of timidity and aroused a woman who wanted love, love from this man, love for this man. Be careful what you pray for, God just might hear you....
So here I am, my second year of Seminary, currently enrolled in a module class, learning about inductive preaching and creative writing, taking the initiative on a few projects, and pursuing a long-distance relationship. It's difficult. It's been 3 months and 4 days since I've felt his presence. 3 months and 17 days remain until romance is once again rekindled in the warm embrace of the man I love. Perhaps discipline will serve me well to learn patience....
Much has happened since the beginning of the blog. No long am I single. Perhaps a few weeks after my initial blog, a rekindled romance blossomed. I never anticipated flirtatious remarks much less a revitalized relationship. Surprisingly, I was content in being single, acknowledging who I am in no particular relation to others. That's a crucial element of maturity, being able to recognize yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, knowledge, wisdom, etc. Self-revelation is a beautiful thing, especially when you learn to love yourself. My first year of Seminary taught me the difference in acquiring wisdom for the sake of relationships rather than pursuing knowledge for the sake of pride. As one reads through the Proverbs (which is another intention I've been seeking to fulfill for some time), we recognize the intentionality one possesses when seeking wisdom and how their overall character can improve by seeking it out. I am searching. I long for wisdom. I long to better myself. I shall never stop growing. I hope I never lose sight of this...
On a completely different planet, I'm in a relationship. A serious one at that. I don't think I've truly allowed myself to experience love in such a way as to fully pursue it. Yes I pursue God's love, but love from a man feels different. It's tangible. It has face value. It casts flirtatious glances across rooms and invites a beloved into a warm embrace. For two weeks in May, I was able to touch, see, smell, taste, and hear love. Though those words may not have passed from my lips initially; soon they were banging against teeth I had slammed shut. My lips uttered the words I wouldn't allow to escape until the right moment where I knew it was God giving us this opportunity. Each moment spent with him, I was more and more impressed at how incredible God is. Neither of us pursued this with a passion or tried to create something out of nothing. It just fell into our laps. Smirking at silly comments left on each others' facebook photos and stopping at nothing to run to Target to purchase a webcam, I soon found myself in the position of purchasing plane tickets for a faraway country. Was I ready for a long-distance romance? Was this actually happening to me? Who am I that this man of God would be drawn to me? Girls, isn't it strange how when something is going well, we have the tendency to sabotage ourselves by asking the 'why me' questions? It's obnoxious really. Somehow I overcame this obstacle with little effort and faced risky challenges. Risks like flying and airport hopping for 22 hours with a best friend to visit a 'friend', his family, and explore a new country. I don't know what I was thinking when I told myself that I was just visiting a friend. Obviously much more was happening than I allotted for. Romance burst through my seams of timidity and aroused a woman who wanted love, love from this man, love for this man. Be careful what you pray for, God just might hear you....
So here I am, my second year of Seminary, currently enrolled in a module class, learning about inductive preaching and creative writing, taking the initiative on a few projects, and pursuing a long-distance relationship. It's difficult. It's been 3 months and 4 days since I've felt his presence. 3 months and 17 days remain until romance is once again rekindled in the warm embrace of the man I love. Perhaps discipline will serve me well to learn patience....
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