Grace Upon Grace

Laughter is wonderful. It clears the cloudy skies. It passes over the stresses. It relieves your spirit. Have you ever realized how grape flavored candies taste nothing like actual grapes? Sometimes I weigh myself before and after I go to the bathroom. My excretions weigh a lot. To get out of doing homework, I will voluntarily sit on my couch for hours while I watch TV and play on the internet. I'm addicted. When I go #1, I count how many seconds it lasts. When I am bored or anxious, I have a very specific rhythm I repeat with my right hand. It comes from the years I played piano. On my drive back from the Seminary, I speed up so when I hit the small hills I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. During the summer, I look for frogs to play with. When I was little, I picked my nose and ate my boogers. I'm certain everyone did this, but not many people admit to it. I also ate paste. I buy candles that smell like men's cologne. I'm currently on the hunt for one that...

Relationships are difficult. Long distance relationships are extremely challenging. Relationships where each person lives in a different country? Heartbreaking. Ed and I have been dating for over a year. So far we've experienced a greater love for each other than we ever anticipated. There's something different about this love though; the difference is that through each other we discover more fully God's love. We've had our share of disagreements and "lover's quarrels" but those conversations always lead us to a greater respect and love for one another. Since we've been dating, we have come across the multiple hurdles we will have to overcome if we plan on getting married. Thousands of dollars will be spent on plane tickets, tourist and fiancee visas, necessary documents which will not be refunded, living expenses, taxes, and a wedding budget. This money is much more than we anticipated. What is more is that after paying these judicial expens...

The last few days I've felt so helpless and hopeless. Part of who I am is that I believe in humanity. I suppose I have set myself up for a failure all these years. Perhaps my belief in humanity has been holding me back from my full belief in God. I've always believed that each person has some good in them; some are just better at hiding it than others. While I have wonderful friends who've really aided me recently, I still question the whole of humanity. Are we intrinsically good or evil or neutral? Are we just sitting ducks waiting for corruption to take over or are we eagerly looking for a Savior? It requires so much effort and will to become vulnerable. In relationships. In communication. In self-examination. Lately, I have let my guard down and have felt broken, distant, and confused. I felt like so many walls were assembling themselves and I had absolutely no control over it. I like control. I like knowing I have the power to change the situation or allow...