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Dive Deep into the Waters of Grace

I am bewildered. God has been speaking to me about forgiveness for quite some time. I've only just been wading through those waters. Forgiveness is a journey. A few weeks ago, I experienced a breakthrough in my spiritual walk - to forgive the perpetrators of injustice, to forgive myself for the perpetual guilt and shame I have carried for years. Much had happened to bring me to that point of just being done with lugging around that weight. I was fed up with dragging the baggage around everywhere I went, a badge of pain and dishonor. I was done with it. So I put it down with no intentions of picking it back up. And then I tried to pick it back up. I wanted to use it as an excuse for my indignation, to weaponize it in order to punish the criminal for dragging me through utter pain and desolation of faith...or what I thought was faith. I so wanted to drag their names through the mud. I wanted them to pay the consequences of what they forced me to experience...the broken trust......
Recent posts

Following Footsteps

I Thank God Every Time I Remember You… This past week I experienced a whirlwind of emotions. On Monday, I found out that my paternal grandmother passed away after a long struggle with dementia. The woman I knew and loved had been gone for a long time, although slight glimpses of her personality seemed to trickle through. In between moments of sadness, God reminded me of the stories of joy.  My grandmother loved Jesus. It was evident in her every breath. When she wasn’t wandering the hallways of her Alabama home humming the tune of How Great Thou Art , she would be sitting at the piano rehearsing a hymn that her heart had memorized. She poured love into everything she did, including her homemade buttermilk biscuits that magically showed up at every meal of the day. She wore her love for Jesus in her smile. In nearly every photo, she is grinning from ear to ear.  She began a story of faith for my family. Her love of Jesus was contagious. My dad came to ...

Freedom

I've been wounded for a long time. Woundedness has been my language and my grounds for operation. It’s how I’ve partially functioned in the last few years. As I began pastoral ministry in 2013, my naiveté convinced me that I was ready for whatever would come into my path. I thought I knew what I was doing. I did not. I failed miserably and burned some bridges in the process. I craved mutual love and was met with conditional tolerance. I was forced to conform to a specific ideal or teaching. To move beyond this concept was to subject oneself to scrutiny, isolation, and backlash. So, I reluctantly conformed; being internally convinced that faithfulness was akin to production. If I made the grades, then I was a faithful and obedient follower. And in any social experiment where you force a stubborn, hardheaded independent into conformity, ugliness bursts forth and continues to spew until the fountain is empty. I finally found the bottom of the pit. There was no acid to regu...

The PMSing Pastor

Alright, folks.  Let's get real and honest.  PMS is real.  Women don't make it up so that you go to the store and buy them chocolate.  That's a nice thing for you to do, but PMS is very real to many ladies out there.  Bloating.  Crying for no reason.  Stomach aches.  Can't focus.  Massive mood swings.  Distancing oneself from social gatherings.  Cravings.  Eating more than usual.  Lashing out.  Saying things you will never mean.  Can't sleep.  Sleepy all the time.  And all this happens in a matter of minutes. Women aren't crazy.  They struggle and need validation.  That's the least we could do.  Well, that's where I find myself.  I struggle with PMS and even wonder if I suffer from PMDD.  I'm still waiting to find a gynecologist who is willing to take me seriously and wants to honestly help rather than push a drug on me that will only sedate me for a few hours. On top of...

That's the way it is...

That's the way it is. I hate that statement.  It's such a depressing approach to life.  There's no room for improvement, no hope, and no grace. Since receiving my call to ministry and having had exposure to theological discussions, I suppose I am always aiming for the bigger picture.  At the end of the day, what's the most important aspect of life.... I can say without a doubt that this little phrase is not my bigger picture.  I am looking towards God's grace, hope, peace.  I want to play a part in bringing about God's Kingdom here and now.  I want to participate in grace, hope, and peace. I can't do that if I accept the mundane, disgraceful, and greediness of life as my reality and truth. As I'm traveling through and out of adolescence and naivety, I have realized just how disappointing this world is...... Insurance plans.... how much money do I have to spend in order for you to cover me, and even then is it enough? Finding a church home......

Live Worthy Lives

Below is a sermon I've written for the folks at Sweet Life, a nursing home/rehab center.  God revealed a message that I needed to hear.  Maybe you need to hear it, too. Sweet Life 7/14/13 Colossians 1:1-14 Theme:   Live Worthy Lives; Be Encouragement to Others Sometimes we just need to hear some good news.   Sometimes we need to hear the encouragement.   As soon as we wake up in the morning, we are constantly faced with the brokenness of the world around us.   Flipping through the pages of the morning newspaper, we read stories of disappointment, defeat, and death.   Plane crash in San Francisco kills 3, injures several.   Grueling trials of the Zimmerman case.   Gun violence in the streets. In our conversations with family and friends, we hear about failed marriages, lost jobs, runaway children. Everyday we hear and see all the broken things in our world.   We can easily get caught up in...

We're On the Same Team

The life God has invited us to is SO different than what we think it should be.   In our society, competition has become our focus.   We are always on edge trying to figure out how we are better than other people.   Social classes are pitted against each other by saying the rich people are better than the poor people.   In fashion, models are competing against each other in an effort to prove how much prettier and talented they are than someone else.   In the countless reality shows on tv, we see one competition after another.   It is all about how those people aren’t as good as us.   Even more so, we are always trying to find ways of how we are better than other people, even if those people are actually on our side.   In seminary, sometimes part of classroom discussion becomes less about learning theology and more about how to look smarter than other people in the room.   In sports, one teammate may be competing against another teammat...